I'm so sick of forgetting myself to remember who I am.

I keep trying to find the energy to blog. Blogging used to be a way for me to vent my anger and frustration to get it out in the open. Now I barely do it. I mean it can't be because I am completely happy. Life has never been very happy for me. Even though I am recently married and bought a place to live in the past year. Things have changed a lot for me. I used to never leave the house, however, I still hardly leave. There are new things I learn everyday to deal with being a non-medicated bi-polar disorder having person in a medicated world. It is still difficult to me to acceot the fact that medication just might help my situation. There was a period in my life that I was on a few different anti-depressants, but that was before I found out I was bipolar. So those medications did nothing for me. I am just torn on what to do, do I keep up my struggle day to day to be happy? Or do I medicated myself and see if that works. I am afraid of medication, one because of the sexual side effects a lot of them have. Plus I don't want to waste a year of my life trying to find out the right mix for me. If anybody has any insight on what I should do, I would appreciate it. Although I fear I blog so little that not many wil read this.