I'm so sick of forgetting myself to remember who I am.

I am sure the answer to that is yes in everybody's head. If anybody is familiar with the Plain White T's they will know this song. If not I am putting the lyrics here for all to see. If you don't like it, I don't care because I am doing it anyway.

What if nobody likes me
What if I don’t succeed
What if I give it all that I got and I still don’t got what they need
What if I don’t get anywhere at all
Would I consider myself a failure
Would I be that small

What if she doesn’t like me
What if I’m not her type
What if all the girls that ever like me are not the kind of girls that I like
What if I meet the right one and screw it up
Would I consider myself a failure
Would I give up

I’m gonna keep shinin denied just makes me want it more
I’ll keep shinin each time push harder than before
I can’t live my life always worried about what if
Cause what if I die tomorrow then I never even lived

What if they don’t like me
What if they think I’m a joke
What if they act nice to my face
But they hate me and I don’t even know
What if they end up stabbin' me in the back
Would I consider myself a failure or would I fight back

What if nobody likes me
What if I don’t succeed
What if I give it all that I got and it’s not good enough till I bleed
What if I don’t get anywhere at all
Would I consider myself a failure
Would I be that small

I think that sums it up best for me right now. Life is going peachy. I was denied treatment for that experiment on bipolar disorder. They said I wasn't severe enough. Apparently you have to have these manic episodes for more than a week and be endangering your life. They did recommend I seriously get on mood stabilizers. Apparently I am crazy enough for that. The treatment they do turns you into a zombie. I don't want to change who I am. It took me a long time to get this screwed up. I just want the mood swings to stop. The irritability. Most of all I just want the racing thoughts to go away. I don't sleep much at night because of them. Always thinking and asking questions that I will never find the answers to.