So I woke up this morning and checked my bank account. I have been doing this more lately since I am waiting for my IRS stimulus check. So I notice four 30 dollar charges for insufficient funds. This strikes me as odd, since I have overdraft protection and I am meticulous about my checking account. So I call the bank and they say to call back at 6 am when the system changes over. I figured maybe it was a glitch. So I called back and spoke to someone. They said my account overdrew. So I asked what about my overdraft protection. They said that the check was for more than even that amount. So I asked what she meant and she said that there was a check that was bounced for $1810.10. So I am like, 'excuse me? I didn't write that check.' And she is like, 'you didn't?' So at this point I am starting to freak. So I got smart and said, ' I think I might remember a check of that size. Woudn't you?'

    So she informs me that I have to go into the branch to straighten it out. They open at nine and it is about 6 when I called. So I wait it out and leave at nine to go take care of it. So I get there and she brings up the check and gets on the phone to get a print out of it. I get the print out and it is my name on the check, but my parent's address and not my signature. So this is where I start to lose it a bit, if it wasn't for the Zoloft I am taking I would have been a complete wreck. So I asked them how it is possible for them to cash a check like that without calling anybody. So they said it was deposited into one of this persons accounts and they don't find out about it for a few days.

     So anyhow, they tell me I have to freeze my account and open a new one. So any of my pending payments will be cancelled. Now I do EVERYTHING online. So this is going to be difficult for me. My mortgage comes out once a week. My first life insurance payment is supposed to come out on the 15th. So needless to say I am freaking a bit.

     Then they tell me I have to go fill out a police report before they can start their investigation. So I ask if I can go to any police station. They tell me yes, so I locate the nearest police station and head there. The guy tells me I have to go to the one in the city I live. So as I am heading there I seem to remember they tore our police station down. Building was condemned after the last bad hurricane we had. So they were working out of an office building or something. So I called and they said I had to have an officer come to me. So I head home and call them up and say they will send an officer over. I sat and waited for an hour before they showed.

   So long story short, I gave her the info then headed back to the bank. Of course you would think they were giving away free food samples the way the old farts were lined up. The place was packed. Now keep in mind I am missing almost my fourth hour of work at this point. So I am starting to get freaked again. I don't have a high tolerance for anxiety. Hence, the Zoloft I am taking. That helps immeasurably.

    So I call my work again and tell them the situation and just as I am telling them I will be there forever they call me in ahead of all the other people. I felt special. So they call me in and I give them the info the police gave me. They give me my new account and I now am stuck with waiting for them to catch the criminal fuck who did this. And also stuck with changing over all my bills and my mortgage to this new account. Such fun. Anyhow, just another day in my emmy award winning life.